President Abraham Lincoln once stated that people are about as happy as they choose to be. Those are profoundly insightful words coming from someone who seemed to live a life embattled on every front. Domestically, politically, and personally, Mr. Lincoln had many opportunities to allow sadness, anger, bitterness or frustration to consume him. Instead, he chose to focus on the roses in his life and not on the thorns.
How often are you also confronted with some of these same types of challenges? Things may not be going your way, life becomes a “bummer,” and you allow dissatisfaction, displeasure or discontentment to determine your moods. Instead of approaching difficult situations with a joyful sense of expectation, you too easily slip into an attitude that is marked by sadness or sorrow. The amazing ingredient in all of this is that the decision to act or react, feel joy or feel sorrow, smile or frown, complain or congratulate, is totally your choice. You and you alone, make that call.
In my field of counseling I frequently remind clients that our position determines our perspective. Stated another way it means that where we sit determines what we see. If you place yourself in a position where you can only see and feel the thorns, you will never enjoy the beauty of the roses. They are certainly there but they will remain obscured from your view unless you change your position. Remember, your position will determine your perspective.
Rather than live in a world of sadness, gloom and despair caused by things beyond our control, why not look for the silver lining that may be just around the corner. Thomas Edison is said to have been ebullient when he was working on making the first light bulb. Had Thomas Edison not been a man of faith, perseverance and determination, we may still be working by gaslight or at least, it may have been many years before the first electric light was seen. It has been reported that Edison failed over 6,000 times before perfecting the first electric light bulb.
On one occasion a young journalist challenged Edison saying to him, "Mr. Edison, why do you keep trying to make light by using electricity when you have failed so many times? Don't you know that gas lights are with us to stay?" To this Edison replied, "Young man, don't you realize that I have not failed but have successfully discovered six thousand ways that won't work!"
Because Edison believed an electric light was possible, he refused to give up. He tried countless types of material in his search for a filament that would work. He sent men to China, Japan, South America, Asia, Jamaica, Ceylon and Burma to search for fibers to test in his laboratory--all to no avail.
On October 21, 1879, after thirteen months of repeated failures, Edison finally succeeded in finding a filament that would work. While experimenting, the thought came to him, "Why not try a carbonized cotton fiber?"
After going through two spools of cotton, he eventually perfected a strand only to break it while trying to place it in a glass tube. He refused to give up and persevered with this idea for two more days and nights without sleep. Finally he succeeded in placing a carbonized thread into a vacuum-sealed bulb! Eureka! It worked.
How could he feel this way after all of his disappointments and failures at finding the proper filament? The answer for him was simple. He did not see them as failures. Edison, as all good scientists, continued to eliminate all those that did not work until he found the one that did. For him happiness, not frustration, was his choice.
Where does happiness come from? Many of us have been drawn to the field of psychology to help us understand what motivates us and how did we come to be what we are. Just what comprises the complexity of our emotions and the mysteries of our behavior?
I enjoy studying research on how people can be happier. How do our 20,000+ genes intersect with one another and combine with our experiences to create the person that we are? As one interested in the area of happiness, I am continually challenged by the question of whether our happiness lies in our genes versus our environment.
The fact is that no traits - whether we're talking about happiness, gender or musical ability - are purely the result of nature. And no traits are solely the products of environment. Of course, scientists like to measure and disentangle things. By comparing identical and fraternal twins, they have discovered that 50% of the differences in people's happiness levels are due to their genes, which leaves a large percentage of happiness under our power to choose and to control.
From the available research on the subject one can easily conclude that happiness is a matter of choice. What choices have you made today? Are you choosing to be happy no matter what is going on around you or within you? You can make that choice. As Lincoln was quoted earlier as saying, you and I are about as happy as we choose to be. Go ahead. Cast your vote. Be happy! You will not regret it…neither will your friends and family.
If you need a little help getting started, I am here for you…let’s talk.
****A Personal Word to Our Readers from Dr. Frazier****
Please feel free to share your questions, observations, or insights with our readers and me. Website: http://www.donfrazier.com
Author: Donald Frazier
| Author's Website: http://donfrazier.com
Written: 06/02/2010
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Category: Monthly Articles
Comments: 2
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Dr. Frazier, I totally agree with you concerning our choice to be miserable or happy. We cannot do it alone, but with God's help, we can have the joy of the Lord in the midst of sadness and trials. Thank you for the timely article
This is a very good article. Well written, Dr. Frazier.
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