My life as a mother is marked by milestones that are too numerous to count in a single column. The summary is that since a diagnosis in 2004, I’ve gone from being an infertile stepmom to a mom of 2 miracles, to a bereaved mom after a surprise pregnancy and miscarriage, to an elated mom after the birth of our son, and most recently, miracle mom again… Because after taking a surgical step to prevent any more pregnancies, a year later, we are surprised again. We h
ave a baby coming this fall!
The last two weeks has been a flood of emotions and what-ifs. Without boring you with the science, I will say that there is a huge potential risk to a pregnancy after the kind of surgery I had – 40% of those pregnancies result in a baby that never reaches the womb, and that is not accounting for my age (39 is considered an old woman these days), or any other factors.
But the very first day of this journey , God moved all obstacles out of the way to confirm that our baby was in the right place. And two weeks later, we saw the sweetest sight in the world: a flicker of that baby’s perfect little heartbeat.
The days in between were a walk of faith that covered old ground and some new, but all of it with tools that I was able to hold with very sure hands. See, almost exactly two years had passed since my miscarriage, and going through that changes any innocence or taking for granted when it comes to pregnancy. When I carried my subsequent son, I spent weeks with anxiety, butterflies in my stomach, reassuring myself that God gives life and everything was ok – but my hands were shaky and I was afraid to really believe that was true. I asked others to pray for me constantly. I researched. I played and replayed songs to encourage me. But it wasn’t until that heartbeat was visible that I could truly “stand on the promises.”
But oh… what a difference time makes! God did not just redeem my feelings about motherhood by giving us our “rainbow” baby Jack – His very essence became more real and more deeply rooted in my own heart. Imagine with me the difference between singing along with a song you hear on the radio and actually performing that song in a concert with the artist… or better yet, writing the song yourself. That is the difference that time made.
Did I have fear, misgiving, and even a little doubt about God’s timing when it came to our new baby? Absolutely. I am human…and none of us are immune to Satan’s whispers.
The difference was that somewhere in the last two years, my faith had grown up and become mine. What this has meant to my life is that I am confident in hearing my Father’s voice. Even without knowing the outcome, I knew – I know! – that this situation is going to bring glory to His name and favor to my life and my family. And once I learned to hear His voice, I also began to see confirmation of His Word over and over again.
God’s promises are not just an old-time story. They are not just for other people. And here is the best part… He doesn’t stop with just one miracle in our lives. I have three little faces to prove it, along with precious child in my heart and one in my womb. It is scary to trust in what we cannot see, but walking out on the water to meet our Savior is a risk with benefits we can’t even imagine. Take the first step, and trust Him with whatever it is marked by fear in your life. God WANTS to bless you!